its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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