Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
