this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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