umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
