but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
