i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
