I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
