my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
