My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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