her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
