I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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