The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize