her vagine was all disorganized.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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