I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
