did you get engaged???
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
A+ Viking dick
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
