why didn't you poke me back
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
