I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize