my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
