scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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