Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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