Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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