She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
