I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
