Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm like, not good at living.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
