took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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