We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
