I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
