my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
