And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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