i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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