Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
