Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
