dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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