i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
