the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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