you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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