Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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