So drunk its hurt
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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