Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
my penis made a compromise with my morals
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
