carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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