I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize