That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
