Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
