Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
