Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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