so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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