Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
