i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
