Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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