What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
