I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
