Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
