I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
