you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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