Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
