rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
