He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
