I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
