I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't deserve a penis
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize