This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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