It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
This show inspires me to have sex in space
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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