halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
