Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
