i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
